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in the last couple of days one topic always came up again and I just realised something! Not everything is as it seems. What a surprise (not!) but let's get a bit into detail here because we really like believing things are exactly like we imagine them to be!
While having talks one to one with friends and being honest with each other it came out that everyone of us thought the other one had 'made' it or at least was nearer to their personal goals then oneself. That clearly shows that we never really know what's going on in the other persons head and heart and that we only compare ourselves to what we think the other persons 'perfect' life looks like.
Someone like me (freelancer) oftentimes finds herself jealous of the ones having a steady income and job security. They don't have to worry about when they are sick and/or unpaid holidays. On the other hand someone in a regular job, might think deciding everyday anew when to stand up and if and how much to work is something to be jealous about. Not that you can really do this if you want to earn a living
That said we oftentimes only see what we wished we had and not what's attached to that 'benefit'.
So for me personally there is only one solution:
Compare yourself only to your past self.
And that's a tough one!
Because it means you really have to evaluate what you have accomplished say for example 2014 and if 2015 was an improvement to that. I'm not necessarily talking here about a bigger pay check. It can and should include everything important in your life. Did you take better care of your relationships? Did you finally sign up for the dance lessons you always wanted to try out? Did you finish the painting you care about so much that you are to afraid to finish it? The list goes on and on.
When we compare ourselves to our past selfs we really see what we did and did not accomplish! We see if we really did our best to evolve and become a better person/artist/wife/friend/'insert what is most important to you'. And we can't hide from it!
Which is also the reason why we like to compare ourselves. It's much easier to say person B had it so much better because she/he comes from a rich family or because her/his husband/wife isn't holding her/him back. We can find excuses for ourselves and be jealous. On the other hand we also can say how much better we do and that person C really should turn their life around. Bitching about other people allows us to ignore our own forgotten dreams and have something to talk about.
To make sure I get out of this trap, I started to really have a look at who my friends are a few years back. The ones left now are the ones that inspire me every time we talk, no matter how short the exchange. They are the ones that pick me up when I'm down and don't talk bad behind my back. They are the ones that really care.
And most importantly for me right now:
When we talk, we talk about our plans, our future, our hobbies, our new friends. We talk about the things life could be and how we can get there together. There is no bitching and no envy. We are excited if the other ones gets closer to their dreams and we fuel on it and grow ourselves as well! That doesn't mean we don't talk about heartache and feeling lost sometimes, but we do so to get over it in a joined effort and learn from the experience. And since then I feel so much better about myself and truly believe that I will change for the better year for year.
Also one thing if you should decide to compare yourself only to yourself in the future! Don't think everything is lost, because maybe the last years weren't like you hoped or thought they were. There is no right or wrong. There is just the making of experiences and learning from it. If the last year wasn't like you imagined, try to figure out what the reasons where and work on them!
Also keep in mind that we are the only ones responsible for ourselves. So don't look for others to blame. Surround yourself with people that motivate and inspire you! That support your dreams even if it's not what they dream about and push you in the right direction. Also don't forget to give back! Be the friend you want your friends to be for you!
PS: If you have interest in more journals like this one, let me know and I make sure to share my experiences with you! I think we all can learn a lot from each other and since I did a lot of research on productivity and goal setting over the last years I would love to share!
Also please share your thoughts on the topic, like I said we all can learn a lot from each other! That would be amazing!
Many thanks for reading! :bademoticon: